


darcom oneshots (realicide)

by iamtheegg



Category: Realicide - Grej (Web Series)
Genre: Mostly Fluff, Other, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25763773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtheegg/pseuds/iamtheegg
Summary: This isn't very well written I'm not exactly a writer I just wanted to write some cute stuff so don't expect a masterpiece. Mostly written at 2am with not much editing.
Relationships: darwinist x communalist
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1: Darwinist keeps 'accidentally' almost dying so he has an excuse to spend time with Communalist.

It was around 3am, but consistent sleep be darned Communalist was almost done with the sweater they were knitting and they had hot cocoa to keep them up anyway. Then someone knocked on their door.  
“Come in,” they said, wondering who it could be at this time. Darwinist opened the door, covered in blood again; not an unusual sight, but Communalist recoiled; they hated to think of how many innocent animals he would have had to kill to get that much blood on him.  
He walked over to them, sitting on the couch next to them. “Hi,” he said, seeming about as awkward as I feel attempting to write dialogue after going months without conversations.  
“What happened to you? Whose blood is that?”  
“Oh, it’s mine,” Darwinist casually said, scooting towards them. “I uh, got attacked by a mountain lion and then fell off a cliff, you know how it is.” He looked away.  
“Again?” Communalist glanced at him nervously. “That’s your fourth near-death experience this week!” They reached out for him, putting an arm around his shoulders. “We know your ideology kinda revolves around fights to the death, and all, but you’ve got to be more careful! We’re worried about you!” They pulled Darwinist closer to them.  
Darwinist smiled into their arms. They were worried about him! “I’ll be fine. You’re always so, uh, nice, and stuff.” He said awkwardly, not used to complimenting people.  
“We know you’re strong and all, but this often is-- unusual, even for you.” They chuckled. “If we didn’t know better we might say you’re doing this just to get us to take care of you, but--”  
“What, no. I’m not. Shut.” Darwinist said quickly. He buried his face in their chest. Shit. They knew.  
“You know you can just.. Talk to us, right? You don’t have to almost die every time you want to hang out! Seriously, please don’t do that.”  
“I’m not-- I don’t need to be with you.” Darwinist crossed his arms.  
Communalist looked at him.  
He glanced away, then slouched. “Fine.” He leaned back towards them.  
“You’ll stop giving us a heart attack?”  
Darwinist nodded, mumbling a vague agreement.  
They smiled and stroked his hair. “Okay, let’s get this blood off you.”

thanks for reading let me know if you have any suggestions because i dont have a lot of ideas


	2. Starstruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romantic night on top of an abandoned Blockbuster!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to this playlist while writing this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUCuoxOUD6U&list=PLizxsQ8gcEBIDYwc7CKRiGM07xkHHZvnq&index=2

It was around 11pm, and Communalist was waiting on the roof of an abandoned Blockbuster. If they were in a poetic mood, they would have said something about it representing how Capitalism is going to fail just like Blockbuster, but it was late and they would usually be asleep by now. No way they had the energy to say deep stuff. Good thing they’d thought ahead to bring pillows. Arranging them around the concrete rooftop, they heard the faint sound of elevator music coming from the malfunctioning stereo of the decaying remnants of the once prosperous company they were now sitting on top of. They looked away from the modern-day ruins and up to the ancient yet unchanging scattering of stars. As if the sky heard their thoughts, a cool breeze swooped down, smelling of cold air and dust. The cold was refreshing, but it reminded them they should’ve brought a jacket. Darn.  
Another breeze wafted up from the ground, and they smelled hot cocoa and blood. Oh, that was probably Darwinist. Did he bring hot cocoa?  
“Hello?” Darwinist looked around, adjusting his jacket. He didn’t see Communalist anywhere. What if they... they wouldn’t stand him up, right? But what if--  
“Hi!” He heard. He looked up. They were waving from on top of a Blockbuster. “Glad you could make it!” They smiled. “We’ll put down the ladder!”  
Before they could do that, Darwinist looked to see how he could climb the building without one. There were plenty of footholds. “I don’t need a ladder, I’ll just climb up,” he called up.  
“Are you sure?” They asked, but he was already scaling the abandoned Blockbuster. Once he was almost to the roof, they reached down to help him up. “You could just use the ladder, you know. We’re not gonna judge you for not wanting to scale a building on date night.”  
OH, they said date. This was a date now.  
“I’d scale all the buildings for you. No homo.” Darwinist internally smacked himself. This was in no way a no homo situation.  
“Oh. We thought this was… like, romantic.”  
“Yep.”  
“Then- why did you say--”  
“Look, I’m not-- I’m not good at this, okay?” Darwinist blurted. “I- I don’t know if I’m cut out for, well, anything like this,” he said, brushing his hands through his hair awkwardly. “I-”  
He felt their hand on top his own. “It’s okay,” they whispered, lightly stroking his hair. “You don’t have to know everything.” The gentle words breezed out of their soft lips like the sweet autumn breeze wrapping around the two of them like a blanket. Well, a cold blanket. “Is it just us or is it kind of cold out?”  
“You probably should’ve brought a jacket.” Darwinist chuckled.  
“Mm,” they nodded, shivering a bit. Shit. That probably wasn’t the nicest thing to say.  
The two of them sat in awkward silence for a bit, then Communalist felt fabric on their shoulders. They looked up to see Darwinist was giving them his jacket.  
“Thanks,” they smiled, putting their arms through the sleeves.  
“No problem,” Darwinist muttered, looking away awkwardly.  
Communalist leaned into his chest. Darwinist felt afraid to move, like when a cat sits on you and you’re glad it chose you but also worried about offending it. He nervously put his arms around them, and they sighed, snuggling in closer to his heart as the first falling star fell across the sky. “Make a wish, or something,” he said, trailing off. He felt them shift and looked at them as they turned to face him.  
“We wish, um, we could kiss?”  
As they looked up at him, he noticed their patterns matched the patterns of the stars. “I bet the sky is jealous of your face,” he muttered halfway aloud as they got closer.  
“What?”  
“I mean yes.”  
They kissed under the stars, another star falling as the two fell for each other, alone under the endless expanse of sky freckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any criticism, ideas, or requests would be appreciated! Honestly I'm not great at coming up with ideas myself.  
> Sorry I haven't added a new chapter in so long!


	3. How many sousaphones could you take?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darwinist and Communalist theorize about what would happen if the marching band attacked them. In this one actually they are more platonic so less of a ship fic but it's still about the two of them so I'm putting it here. This isn't great, just some rambling of a conversation they have at a football game. To quote grec1a on tumblr, no proofreading we die like men.

Communalist looked around. Darwinist had texted them he was saving a spot on the bleachers, but they couldn't find him anywhere. They decided to call him. It was hard to hear their phone over the noise of the game, but they could make out some of what he was saying.  
"Hey! Where are you?"  
"on the bleachers"  
"We don't see you. Can you wave or something?"  
"No." He hung up.   
Communalist frowned. RUDE. Guess they would have to just look for Darwinist. Why did they even agree to go together?  
Everyone in the stadium was wearing blue though, apparently it was the team's colors, so it wouldn't be that hard to find Darwinist since he always wore red. They saw red some distance away, so they started going that way. Their phone vibrated again. Maybe Darwinist had decided to be nice for once.  
Slightly angrily, they flipped it open. "Hello?" they shouted over the noise of the stadium.  
"You're going the wrong way dipshit." Darwinist snickered.  
"Well, can you tell us which is the right way?" They asked in exasperation.  
"No."  
Communalist glared at their phone for a bit. Then they started walking the opposite direction.  
After a bit, they saw Darwinist. They walked slightly faster up to him, careful not to trip over the bleacher stairs.  
"Hey." He grinned.  
They crossed their arms. "Dude."  
Darwinist scooted over. "ha, sorry.  
"It's okay." They rolled their eyes, sitting down. "We brought snacks."  
"Ooh! What did-- Is that fucking quinoa?"  
"Look, quinoa gets a bad rap. It's actually, like, really good."  
"No it's fucking not you dumbass it's quinoa." Darwinist hissed, leaning away from it like a vampire from garlic. "Get that away from me, ew. I can feel the testosterone leaving my body just looking at it."  
Communalist put the quinoa back in their bag. "It's just a grain, it's not going to kill you."  
"Of course not. I'm going to kill it. Weak ass grain."  
"Sure you are," they laughed. Before Darwinist could retort, the marching band started warming up.  
"Ooh! We hope they play Careless Whisper!"  
"Why?"  
"WHY? It's the best song ever, that's why! It's really catchy, and when you look at the actual lyrics, it's like a tragedy, and the guy who wrote it was--"  
"Ok ok I get it. It's a good song."  
"What's your favorite song?"  
"I don't listen to music. I only listen to the screams of the weak," he growled, grinning overdramatically.  
Communalist nodded absentmindedly, watching the band perform. "There sure are a lot of sousaphones."  
"The fuck is a sousaphone? Is that one of those new genders?"  
Communalist stared at him. "It-- it's an instrument." They sighed. "You see those big horns that kinda wrap around the wearer's body?"  
"Yeah, I thought those were tubas."  
"We think they're, like, a variant of tubas or something. But they're definitely called sousaphones."  
"Interesting," Darwinist said sarcastically. "Why were you so worried about there being a lot of them?"  
"Oh, we're not worried. We were just pointing it out. There aren't usually this many."  
"Sure you're not. Don't worry though. If they attacked us, I'd protect you," Darwinist said with a sideways grin.  
"Wh-what?"  
He laughed. "I don't know. You sounded like you were planning for an attack."  
They laughed too. "ha, no. But that's good to know. We probably couldn't fight them off on our own."  
"How many do you think you could take?"  
"What"  
"How many sousaphones could you fight off. Like, right now, if they attacked us."  
"None most likely."  
Darwinist snirked. "Please. I know you're weak, but I'm sure you could take at least one of those band nerds."  
"They're stronger than they look. We were in a marching band for a semester-- "  
"pfft. of course you were"  
" -- and it's honestly like really intense! These kids are trained to kill. You're definitely underestimating them."  
"Hm. I suppose they could use those heavy instruments as weapons.. still, though, I could definitely fight off at least three. Maybe four. And if I had your help, we could take maybe ten."  
"Really?"  
"Heck yeah! You said you were in marching band. You can get into their heads. With my superior fighting skills and your band expertise, we'd kick their asses no sweat."  
"Wow. You're right. If we worked together we could accomplish so much more than--"  
"Don't let this be a Disney junior episode. Remember, this is war. And joining together is our strategy." Darwinist took their hand. "We'll fight off the marching band, back to back. Two of us against the world. No homo."  
Communalist grinned. "Deal!" They squeezed his hand. "Oh, look, it looks like they're playing Seven Nation Army!"


End file.
